Jackalope Jockeys Racing Team

Endurance racing with $500 crap can cars? It's not just an oxymoron; it's a breeding ground for morons.
jackalope jokeys racing
Jackalope Jack Jackalope Jill

A rookie team with a crappy car, we respectfully seek entry into the 2015 Sears Pointless 24 Hours of LeMons race. By "respectfully" we mean humbly kissing butt, brown nosing, sucking up, bribing, cheating and begging on our knees or anything else we can do to gain entry to this prestigious event run by the best looking and most intelligent officials and judges at any motorsports event in the world.

OUR JACKALOPE

A powerful, well sorted, track proven German engineered race car.



514 rabbit

Previously the Paso Robles Commando Squad "HMMVW" #514 1977 VW Rabbit 1.6L
2014 Judges Choice, Button Turrible
2014 Guinness World Record Thunder Hill Raceway

We have sold our souls to the devil (along with our most precious bodily fluids) to purchase a powerful, well sorted, track proven German engineered race car designed by Italian automobile designer Giorgetto Giugiaro.

By "powerful" we mean, a 1977 Volkswagen Rabbit with a 1.6L engine. We selected this car for its ample legroom and storage space, thanks to Volkswagen installing the car's massive 71-horsepower, overhead-cam, four-cylinder engine sideways.

In fairness, we must admit this particular car has been customized. It has a racing-type steering wheel, a "European-style" shift lever and, it operates on a precise air/fuel mixture provided by a rare "Weber two barrel" carburetor. The widely spaced gear ratios of a four-speed manual transmission deliver power to the front-wheel-drive, traction grabbing, 13-inch pizza cutter tires. Precise vehicle control is achieved by a complex system of manually operated linkages and hydraulics i.e. manual brakes and steering.

OUR JOCKEYS

Highly skilled and experienced drivers and mechanics.

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By "highly skilled and experienced" we mean that although none of us has ever set foot on a race track, we are confident we can find it on race day.

Despite having never driven a race car, each Jockey has been thoroughly tested and licensed by the California DMV. Our technical driving skills are evidenced by receiving the highest number of driving "points" ever awarded by the DMV. Plus, all Jockeys will be released from custody by the date of the Sears Pointless event.

In addition to excellent driving skills, we can wrench too. For example, we have never wrecked a car so bad we couldn't get it fixed before the cops arrived (not counting that messy incident in the Carrizo Plains involving an undercover Fish and Game agent, but hey they're not real cops right?)

OUR THEME
514 rabbit

Most people know the Jackalope as an antlered species of rabbit. However, most do not know that it originated in Germany. Bavarian folklore tells of the Wolpertinger (also called wolperdinger, poontinger or what-the-hell-is-that-thinger), a hybrid animal inhabiting the alpine forests of Bavaria in Germany.

Shortly after arriving in America the Wolpertinger evolved into the American Jackalope. The species became more aggressive and is sometimes called the warrior rabbit. One of its unique traits is the ability to mimic human voices. This is often done to throw off pursuers. Phrases such as "hey, they black flagged you go to the Penalty Box" or "hey, slow down there's oil on the track" or "hey, your tire looks low" are often heard.

The Jackalope can be lured with alcohol, with a fondness for whiskey (or Tequila in the case of the Southwestern species). This weakness is often exploited by competitors to make the Jackalope slower and easier to catch. While it's interesting to note that Jackalope milk is considered an aphrodisiac (hence the nickname "Horny Rabbit") it is very dangerous to attempt to milk a Jackalope. Finally, please do not confuse inexperienced female skiers with Jackalopes - just because a bunny has a nice rack doesn't mean it's a Jackalope.

WHAT TO EXPECT AT CHECK-IN

Costumed idiots riding Jackalopes!

Dummy Jockey riding a VW JACKALOPE!

jackalopetheme

In the pits and at check-in you will see a costumed coed team of Jackalope Jockeys, acting like certifiable lunatics each riding unruly, wild and unpredictable Jackalopes! The Jackalope Jockeys will be loaded for bear with generous bribes for the judges.

The race car itself will be meticulously themed as a giant Jackalope complete in every detail from its whiskered nose to its bunny tail and horny antlers. An artfully crafted, dummy Jockey will be perched atop the Jackalope (in addition to a live dummy inside the car).

Rest assured, no Jackalopes were harmed during the making of this race car (not counting that messy incident in the Carrizo Plains involving an undercover Fish and Game agent. But hey, you can't get EVERYTHING you need for a LeMons race car at the local Pick-an-Pull.)

Want to learn more about the 24 Hours of LeMons?
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Contact the Jackalope Jockeys Racing Team